You will buy these trainers for £200! You will but these trainers for £200! You will but these trainers for £200!
“You will but these trainers for £200! ” Well it’s worth a try. Will Futurama’s mighty Hynotoad will help me pass that magic £1,000 barrier before the end of June? Look into his eyes! Look into his eyes. Unethical? Maybe. Perhaps I better get back to good old fashioned begging for donations instead. It seems to have worked quite well so far.
Then again, I’m not entirely sure I needed to call on the services of Hypnotoad at all. These Mizuno Wave Riders are close relatives of the pair on Day 153 (and from the same source), and although they may not as garish at first, they hide a secret. But not a dark secret. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Lift up your foot and look at the soles on these mothers! They’ve got to have some kind of mesmerising properties, surely? They’re like Austin Powers’ idea of psychological warfare. Or may be it’s a Magic Eye effect – stare at these soles long enough and suddenly a 3D image of Joel Schumacher’s Batman And Robin leaps out at you.
Actually, scratch that. They’re not neon and DayGlo enough for that.
Had to cycle to the lost property office at Bristol Temple Meads station yesterday, because I left a bag for of birthdays presents on the train the night before. Sadly, the bag hadn’t been handed in. Not sure why. Who’d want to nick bag containing two packets of Superhero seeds (just add water to a comic cover and you get flowers, apparently, though I’ll never find if that’s true now), a Peter Rabbit book including a Peter Rabbit finger puppet, and a puffin birthday card that makes a puffin call when you open it? Hmmm. My evil twin, probably.
While I was at the station, though, I witnessed a character I created some years back come to life in front of my eye. When The Fast Show was at its height, I came up with an idea for a recurring character called Thai Toilets Man, whom I always envisioned being played by Simon Day. You know Thai Toilets Man. You’ve met him. He’s the guy who went back packing in his late teens, and now spends the rest of life telling anyone and everyone – very loudly – about his “adventures”, which invariably ends up with an anecdote involving explosive bowel movements in extreme lavatorial conditions.
And yes, there he was at Bristol Temple Meads, in a coffee queue, trying to impress some bored-looking woman about the time he needed a crap in No Man’s Land between Thailand and Malaysia. The true story was probably more along the lines of, “And then a border guard waved a gun at me and I crapped in my pants.”
I still think there’s mileage in Thai Toilet Man, so to speak. There must be some Radio 4 comedian desperate for material?
• Current total: £825 (Let’s make it to £1,ooo by the end of June! Come on, that’s just £5 from 15 of you!)
• Remember this is all for charity, so any pennies or pounds you can spare PLEASE DONATE BY CLICKING HERE.
• Follow me on Twitter to make sure you see what trainers I’m wearing each day.
• If you have any trainers you could donate (either on loan or old pairs you’re getting rid of) which are size 9 (ish – I can do anything from 8 to 10) contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org so I can arrange collection.
• Please, please, please leave comments below! I’m after ideas for mini-challenges, future photoshoots and how I can find enough pairs of trainers!