The gag that time forgot…
Hang on, you’re thinking. That’s no Gorn.
But it should have been.
Y’see, there’s been a Gorn sitting around my mate Simon’s house all year, begging to be used in a Sole Of Sci-Fi photo. He was always earmarked for 4 July. Gorn On The Fourth Of July”, geddit?
Then 4 July came around and I completely forgot. That’s just me.
But then I realised I’d be cat sitting for Simon and his missus on 4 September, so I thought, “Hey, let’s make a gag out the fact I goofed up. I’ll called the blog, ‘Gorn On The Fourth Of Ju… Erm, September,’ and I write a blog about missed opportunities in sci-fi.”
The I got here… and no Gorn! It’s vanished. Gorn, but not forgotten.
But there was a Cylon. And at least you were saved the headline, “Cylon running” because I didn’t bring any running trainers with me! Only these brand new Shimano cycling shoes (size nine, they come with cleats if you want to make an offer).
But I’m forging ahead with missed sci-fi opportunities anyway. It’s still kinda apt. I’m not talking about major things like not cancelling Charmed at the end of season one, or not casting a woman as Doctor Who. I’m talking about silly little things that wouldn’t have changed sci-fi history, but I’d like to have seen.
• First, the last line in Deep Space Nine should have been given to Morn, which would have been amusing as he hadn’t had a single line in seven seasons.
• Sticking with Deep Space Nine, in the spoof James Bond holodeck episode, they should have had a character called Gul Deneye.
• In the Peter Davison Doctor Who episode “Mawdryn Undead” – which was about a race that gained immortality then grew to regret it – the Doctor says “Sometimes you have to live with the consequences of your actions.” Which is just crying out to be followed up with, “But some of us have to live with them longer than others.” (But “Mawdryn Undead” generally could have done with a bit more fun; the whole story is so ponderously gloomy.)
• In True Blood recently (season seven spoiler here, but honestly, the last season is so crap I doubt anyone will care) Jessica catches Lafayette bonking her vampire boyfriend James. A scene or two later Lafayatte and Jessica argue, with Lafayette pointing out that Jessica doesn’t really care about James. “Do you even know how he was turned?” demands Lafayette? To which Jessica really should have replied, “Yes, by you, about twenty minutes ago.”
• In Smallville, Clark was always wearing clothes that foreshadowed his Superman costume. So why didn’t he wear red Converse All-Star high tops?
Have you got any suggestions you can add to the list?
See you tomorrow.
• Current total: £1,200
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